- “In fact, the whole restaurant sticks with the hospital theme with customers being referred to as “patients” and the waitresses as “nurses.” As soon as you walk in you’re even fitted with a hospital gown before one of the nurses takes you to your table to take your order. Your food is then prepared by a cook dressed up in doctor scrubs, before your meal or “prescription” as they call it is brought to your table by one of the nurses on duty.”
- “For an extra $1.84 you can also add ten slices of bacon to your burger…”
- “If you happen to weigh more than 350 pounds however you can eat absolutely free at Heart Attack Grill.”
- “In keeping with their hospital theme Heart Attack Grill also offers free blood pressure screening and even a leader board where you can view the ten customers who have had the highest blood pressure.”
Hilarious “Kitchen Nightmares” parody from That Mitchell And Webb Look
My friend Scott and I talk about BBQ
me: I hope the BBQ club makes it to Allen and Sons I don’t think you ever gave that little gem a fair shake sometimes if you go during an off hour you get an average plate
Scott: i’ve been a half dozen times at this point. it’s serviceable. it is not my favorite. barbecue doesn’t start until davidson county.
me: I’m not for a moment going to badmouth lexington its the work of true craftsmen but real champagne comes from france and real bbq comes from eastern north carolina that’s not to say there’s some DAMN FANTASTIC sparkling wine
Scott: i’d accept your analogy if french champagne was overrated and purely nostalgic swill. but on the FUNDAMENTAL LEVEL, eastern does it WRONG, and western does it RIGHT. the whole hog barbecue is fundamentally wrong. the whole hog is a wonderful bit of theater, but for eating, it is far inferior to taking great care on a single cut, i.e., the shoulder. forget about the sauce, sauce is for women. i’m talking about choosing a cut of meat and barbecuing it.
Scott: seriously, he’s a non-threatening black man that rich white douchebags can feel good about patronizing. his barbecue is shit.
me: haha
Scott: he’s the darling of foodies. run away.
me: Barbecue is like a cocktail…a divine interaction of a few choice ingredients just eating the meat is like drinking the liquor straight appropriate and satisfying sometimes but different there’s a chemistry to a cocktail
Scott: the ingredients are the meat and the heat. the sauce is like the twist.
me: and similar to the right mix of chopped pork and vinegar sauce but the judgment of a man who puts mustard on his pig is questionable to begin with if i wanted a hot dog already chewed up, i’d eat that because that’s where mustard goes
(NOTE: SCOTT LIKES SOUTH CAROLINA (MUSTARD) STYLE BBQ)
Scott: sauce is a crutch for lesser men who do not know how to manipulate the heat or aren’t patient enough to cook low enough for long enough to keep that meat unctuous on its own.
me: uh oh he busted out “unctuous”
Scott: mustard is just another note in your cocktail, my friend.
me: yeah, the shirley temple mix don’t play analogy with me!
Scott: someone’s not looking for an invitation to my next barbecue!
me: I admit if I lived closer to you I’d have been less aggressive in this conversation
Cafeteria Fraiche, with Randy Marsh
South Park nailed every single thing about this episode. They’re absolutely at the top of their game with this one. I haven’t laughed that hard at something on television in a long time.
David is a political impressionist based in New York City. His John McCain impression won Denny's Restaurants national "Vote For Real" competition and he performed with NBC's Chris Matthews (the real one) at the Philadelphia World Affairs Council.
An improviser by training, David has performed frequently at the Upright Citizen's Brigade Theatre, and has also performed stand up comedy at Comix. He's also done some writing for Collegehumor.
